Tainted Devotion
by namiangelus
Summary: A memory from when Balthier was young. Ffamran has trouble with Cid when he begins to become obsessed with Nethicite, and only wants to understand which he values more, his son, or power. FatherSon Oneshot. Not Slash.


1It was the way he stared at the stuff. The way he had to gaze at it with the look of such desire in his eyes. Like it was God. Like it was more important than anything... more important than _him._

Ffamran stood at the threshold of his father's lab. Should he ask? It was late wasn't it? Cid was in completely enthralled with it tonight too? He was almost every night. It had just started recently. This crazy obsession with the inanimate stone. It wasn't until this that Ffamran noticed that he missed the small things his father did to make him feel loved. The small things he had pushed away so impulsively. Cid putting an arm around him for no reason at all, opening his arms for a quick hug before sending his son to bed, small words of encouragement and kindness.

That's why he stood there so unsure of what to do. He could easily run off to his bedroom without a goodnight. It's not like anything bad would happen. Ffamran watched as his father tipped jars of this and that into each other. He could hear the whisper of him simply talking to himself. Ffamran finally took a few more steps in. Then he spoke.

"Father?" he had barely finished the word when Cid spoke wildly and loud. Another thing Ffamran had noticed. His father would sometimes speak in a mad foreign voice.

"What is it?!" Cid didn't turn.

"I was wondering if you wo-"

"Forget what you are about to say. I'm quite busy thank you. Nethicite will not research its self. Am I right, my son?" He kept working and mumbling.

"Yes. You are." Ffamran didn't feel like trying again. If he pushed his point his father would just become more angry.

"Don't take a tone with me! When I unlock the mysteries of Nethicite you will be crawling back to me on your hands and knees to shake my hand!" Cid had stopped his son dead in his tracks. "Am I right yet again? Answer me!"

"Y-yes." He gazed back at Cid with a despair written on his face that his father's madness shielded from importance. Ffamran walked off towards his room. "...Goodnight father." Just then Cid realized what a tone _he_ had taken and at whom.

"Son! Ffamran!" But once again his attention was torn back to his previous process.

Ffamran sat in his room. On his bed he felt sadness that had been largely welled up inside him at this small encounter. He dressed in his pajamas and crawled into bed. He was quite capable of pulling the sheets up and over him; Somehow though they seemed to lack any kind of warmth without those familiar larger hands doing the covering. He sighed weakly not trying a bit to find any sleep.

After the lights had been out for a little more than ten minutes the door opened. A man stepped in, striding across the room and stopping beside the bed.

"Ffamran?" He didn't rise to his name. "Son, will you listen to me?... I'm a scientist; do not think I can't tell you are not asleep."

This truth made him answer, "What is it Father?" Though he didn't move.

"I am truly sorry." Cid spoke in a whisper as his hand placed it's self gently over Ffamran's cheek. "I don't know what came over me." He didn't speak for a moment.

"It's alright. I understand." But at these words he was lifted from his shrouded blanket and pulled into a upright sit. His father was sitting on the bed near his feet.

"It is _not _alright! You're my son and I should have never turned you away like that..." Cid was staring firmly into Ffamran's eyes with deep guilt and sorrow.

"Well I'm alright now. I forgive you." The child lay back down. "Goodnight father." He didn't want to ask for anything more than this apology. Well really he did want to ask, he just didn't think it appropriate. There was a question gnawing away at him.

Cid stood up and began to leave when a small hand grabbed his. He turned slowly to see his son staring up at him with teary eyes.

Cid spoke softly as he sat back down on the bed closing his hand on the smaller one. "Something is still the matter?"

"It's just..." Ffamran let go of his father's hand and wrapped his arms around Cid pulling himself into a hug. "Do you love me more than Nethicite?" There was a silence. Cid had been shocked by the question. The reality of it was awful. To think a child would consider he was less than a stone to his only family.

"Yes! I love you more than anything." He lifted Ffamran up so he could hold his son tightly. "No experiment will ever push my love from you. I promise." Cid didn't move for a long while and neither did Ffamran. Then he perceived a slight shaking from the form in his arms. Then a sniffling. Suddenly there where fists clenching around the back of his shirt and his son was snuggling closer amidst the crying. "Ffamran?"

"A-and I love you father..." But the tears wouldn't stop.

"Don't you worry about the Nethicite. I won't let it get in the way." His voice dropped lower. "I also do not want you to ever let me treat you that way. If I ever do again, go ahead and hit me over the head."

Ffamran laughed weakly, closed his eyes and Cid felt his son's weight depend on his.

Sleep was finding Ffamran as pleasant. His father's breath and heartbeat comforted him and let him know that what Cid had said was true. He did love him and so much more than some silly Nethicite...

***

Balthier looked at his father. He had lost him so long ago. Back then he wouldn't have dreamed this fight as reality. This wasn't the path Cid had wanted. Unfortunately that's the way everything turned out and Balthier knew it.

But as he lifted his gun for the final blow he whispered, "Do you love me more than Nethicite?" and for a brief moment he thought he saw Cid freeze with regret as the kind, gentle father he once knew said 'yes.'


End file.
